Maybe I'm super morbid, but I often think about death.
Thinking about death makes me more grateful for..... well, life.
It is a wake up call to enjoy TODAY.
It's a constant reminder that my life could be taken away at any point.
I have this new app (that I maybe use way too often) but it is a really neat way for me to stay connected with people (via video walkie talkie.) It's called Marco Polo. Anywho, just the other night, on my way home from my parents house, I sent a video message to my dad.
I didn't get to see him that day and as I was talking on the video, I thought to myself, "Say the words you want to say to him. You never know if this will the last words you get to say to him." In my mind, my dad could have died that night and this very message would be the last thing he heard from me so I wanted him to know how much I loved him and I love spending time with him.
When I feel nervous or apprehensive to get emotionally intimate or share what I'm really feeling, I think about death. I think about the opportunity to share my thoughts and love for someone because, they could die the next day. And I want to them know how impactful they are to me. I want to have no regrets. No "what-ifs."
And that is vice versa.
I want to share those words of encouragement and grace from my heart because I could die at any moment. I have no idea when it will be.
Prayerfully, I hope to stay alive to watch my children get married, my grandchildren be born into the world and to sit on the porch with my husband when we are all wrinkly and gray. But, I'm not promised that. I'm not even promised tomorrow.
So, I want to take advantage of TODAY.
This is my moment. My chance to leave a mark on the world and the people around me.
I am creating my legacy now.
So... SAY THE WORDS.
Dance when you feel like dancing.
Laugh and scream and sing when you feel like it.
Make the most of this very day, because you don't know if it will be your last.
Thinking about death puts things in perspective for me.
I don't have to have my husband die in order for me to try and appreciate even the little annoying things about him. I can learn to love the simple things now. I can work on enjoying even the frustrating parts of marriage. Because he is here. He is alive. And he loves me.
I don't need a child to die in order for me to appreciate that I have children who are super loud and ridiculously messy and put me through the most painful labor moments of my life. I can appreciate the vomit, the yelling, and the buttcrack of dawn wake up calls now, because they are alive. They are thriving and they are perfectly mine. And dang, they bring me so much joy.
Maybe I am really morbid. But when I start to complain and get all moody and stressed about my "less than perfect" situations and crazy life, I shut up really quick. Because I realize that I am not promised tomorrow. And neither is my family. So, I am going to be grateful today. In everything.
Go ahead. Try it. Think about death a little bit more and see how it changes your perspective.