For some reason, I've had this feeling in my depths that I would come back changed.
Like somehow, something inside me would be altered enough the the point that I would be even better than I was before.
I don't know why it felt this way to me. It was just an ordinary tropical trip away for a few days but it feels more like this strategically planned Mexico getaway to relax and rejuvenate and reconnect with my husband. And almost like we can go back home after and be a better husband and wife and be better parents.
And maybe I'm silly for thinking and feeling this way but when I really dwell on it, I'm glad I view a vacation this way. I want it to be a monumental moment that just wasn't relaxing time away but a place that brought clarity and growth for who I am.
So as odd as it may seem to think of vacation as a method of growth and improved character, I'm going to roll with it. My heart feels in that place, so I'm going to lay the mom guilt aside and just relish this time with my husband and focus on my heart and the ability to become a better wife and mom. I want to be intentional about my time away and prepare myself for my time coming back.
And wouldn't you know it, I got hit HARD with a cold 3 days before we left and I was literally couch ridden for all 3 days leading up to my trip, not knowing how I would feel the morning of our departure date. It gave me a lot of time to think. And I would lay there and praise and thank God that it wasn't any worse than it was.
Yes, I totally whined and was so sad for the first day and gave myself room to cry and say how utterly sucky it was that I was sick the days leading up to the vacation away from my kids so I could barely even care for them. And then I moved past that and thanked God that I was still alive and that I didn't have a backache. Or a headache. Or pink eye. Or that I was vomiting. I thanked him that it was just a bad cold.
Laying there for 3 days and taking it easy gave me a lot of time to think about our upcoming time away and prepared my heart even more to make this trip away worth it. Afterall, it was our first time ever away from all 5 kids more than 2 hours driving distance and more than 2 days in a row. This was big time. And we hadn't done anything like this is over 8 years so it was much anticipated.
The morning that we awoke to leave for our trip, this throbbing pain in my ear woke me up at 2:30am to which I never really went back to sleep from. Ear infection was in full blown mode on the day we were to depart. We drove to meet my parents and drop our 5 kids off to them. They were all so excited to spend the next 5 days with their grandparents and I... was a mess. Trying so hard to hold back my tears as I passed my 13 month old to my mom. As we drove away, I gave myself room to cry but also charged myself to focuse on the adventure at hand, despite missing the kids or feeling the sting of pain in my ear along with all the congestion. I was kind of a mess.
And the fact remained in my heart, that through this trip, despite how I felt physically, I wanted to make the most of my time away. I wanted it to be so worth it.
I'm looking for a heart change. In a simple vacation. And I'm trusting and believing the Lord will teach me even in this place.
And He totally did. My 4 expectations of this trip were to
And I have felt the affects and growth of each of these expectations in very tangible ways. My husband and I have had so much room to really be intentional in all these areas and I believe we are coming back home very much changed and for the better.
God was able to use a simple vacation to bring growth to our very being and we are so pumped to go back to our kids and be even better parents. And continue to connect to gether to be a better wife and husband. I hope to share some of the fun and challenging ways God taught me some lessons while on this trip. And some very crazy and humorous situations we found ourselves in. Life is wild.
Let the ordinary circumstances of life teach you lessons and bring growth to your soul.
Meghan Joy Yancy