I've wanted to be a mom since I was a little girl. I dreamed about the kids I would have and knew God would bless me with a family one day.
Fast forward a few years later and now I'm married and I have three little boys. These little boys completely changed my life. I've heard moms talk about just how much you fall in love with your babies, but I could never have imagined how it would feel.
Each time I was worried I wouldn't be able to love the next baby as much. Then I'd be in the hospital, looking at their beautiful little face for the first time, and feel my heart expanding.
My whole world is about those little boys.
My husband and I are raising them in two cultures. He grew up as a second-generation East Indian man and I grew up living in the US. Our lives looked very different from each others growing up. Now, we get the blessing of raising a multiracial family. Our kids get to navigate through two cultures as they grow up.
There are so many blessings they're going to have as biracial kids. They get to fall deeply in love with Eastern and Western culture, they're getting a passion about different cultures, they get to learn two ways of doing things, and they're blessed with a family that loves them.
As their mom, I see everything they can do in life. I dream about the lives they'll have when they're older, the jobs they'll have, the girls they'll marry, but one thing haunts me.
There's one thing that lingers in the back of my mind at night and I can't shake it. I'm scared that I'm going to fail my kids. I'm scared it will be my fault if they don't experience Indian culture like they should.
As a multiracial family, our world is about blending. My husband and I do the best we can to bring both cultures into our family, daily. We want our kids to be exposed to and also make sure our parenting styles reflect both.
The hard part is that we live in the US. There's only so much we teach them about Indian culture while living so far from India.
Even though my husband spent the majority of his life here as well, he still spent time in India. He lived there for a few years, went back to visit for long periods of time, and was raised by first generation East Indian parents. He was able to truly embrace his culture through hands-on experience and learn it from people who were raised in it.
I want my kids to be able to have similar experiences. I know we can visit India as a family and we plan to. The reality is that I won't ever be able to teach them about India the way they're Indian family members can.
Sometimes I lay in bed at night wondering if my kids will resent me for it.
Will they regret not knowing as much as they can about Indian culture?
Will they want to? If they don't have a passion for diving into their East Indian roots, will I blame myself?
In the perfect multiracial family, our kids would love both cultures equally and be able to fully experience them. However, we're living in an imperfect world. As much as I would love the "perfect blend" it's not possible.
Here are two things to keep in mind.
1. I can learn about Indian culture with my kids. There's no rule that says they can only learn about it with their Indian family members. Instead, we can learn together. As they ask me questions, we can find out the answers together. This reminds my kids that I'm on this journey with them and shows them how important it is to me.
2. Every multiracial family looks different. Our multiracial family isn't the same as a traditional East Indian family. My husband and I are teaching our kids about traditions from both of our childhoods, we're raising them in both cultures, and we live in the US. The great part is that our family culture is unique and we should be celebrating it!
Being a mother of a multiracial family is truly a blessing. I get to help three beautiful little boys develop their biracial identity and fall in love with a new culture with them.
I think there are a lot of other moms raising biracial kids out there that share my fear. While I can't say I have it all figured out, I can tell you one thing.
All you need to do is be true to yourself and love on your kids. They're going to see all the wonderful things you do for them, but most importantly they're going to see your love and support. Every family blends cultures differently. Stop focusing on the "perfect blend" and spend that energy holding your child's hand and navigating the dynamics of a multiracial family together.
You are enough for your family. You are enough for your kids. Ally you need to do is be true to who you are.